


if only we could forget the past, not discover anew the things that hurt

by imaginaryinspiration



Series: together is better than apart [4]
Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon (Anime), Pocket Monsters | Pokemon - All Media Types, Pocket Monsters: X & Y | Pokemon X & Y Versions
Genre: Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Kalos-chihou | Kalos Region (Pokemon), Memories, Mild Language, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, kalos crisis, lysandre - Freeform, the f word is said ONCE that's all
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-13
Updated: 2020-08-13
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:20:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25879579
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imaginaryinspiration/pseuds/imaginaryinspiration
Summary: Until the next page, where his hand stilled and started to tremble. He tensed up, muscles tight with the anxiety flooding into his mind. The laughter around him died rather quickly once they saw what he was gazing at with such horror and confusion. On the page was a young Ash, like most of the other pictures. Unlike the others, though, there was a rather familiar man clutching Ash tightly, both with large smiles on their faces. His tall, vibrantly red hair was still the same. He looked so much happier, though. And younger. Less world-weary. It did not change the fact that his face was chillingly familiar and struck fear into Ash’s heart, through his soul and down to his very bones.Ash thought he'd started to heal. He thought he was starting to get over the Crisis, over Lysandre, over everything. But, how could he have forgotten? How was it possible that something found in his distant past could reveal more about what happened, then?
Relationships: Citron | Clemont & Satoshi | Ash Ketchum, Eureka | Bonnie & Satoshi | Ash Ketchum, Satoshi | Ash Ketchum & Serena
Series: together is better than apart [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1861465
Comments: 6
Kudos: 70





	if only we could forget the past, not discover anew the things that hurt

**Author's Note:**

> He knew he'd have to get over it, eventually. He didn't think that process would be so quickly shaken to the ground.
> 
> Translation for French at the end.

“I can’t believe we’re finally going to be able to see your home, Ash! Kanto is so far away from Kalos!”

She had a spring in her step as she skipped next to him. He himself was vibrating with excitement. “I know, I have so many cool things to show you! All my Pokémon, Professor Oak’s lab, my house! And, oh, man, I’m so excited to see all my buddies!”

“Guys, wait up! Don’t go so fast!” Heavy and exhausted footsteps pounded on the ground, approaching Ash and Serena as they stopped to wait for Clemont. Close behind him were his sister and Dedenne.

“Come on, let’s go!” He didn’t sprint ahead, but his springy posture and enthusiastic lean were evidence enough of his eagerness to do so. Even so, he waited for the others to catch up so they could all come together. “There it is! Pallet Town!”

“Wow, that’s quite a view! The pastures and green open land are so beautiful!”

After a hurried descent down the hilly path that led to the town, they reached a quaint little house. Without a knock, Ash turned the door handle and shouted “Mom, I’m home! And I’ve brought some friends!”

Mr. Mime hurried over from the kitchen. His enthusiastic chatter enthralled his Kalosian friends, who had never before seen a Mr. Mime. “Wow, he’s so cute!” Bonnie cheered.

“Oh, Ash, you’re home! And my, it’s good to meet all of you in person, how are you?”

“We’re doing great, ma’am, thank you for asking!”

After some more introductions and small talk, Ash decided to show his friends around his house. As they walked into his room, they gawked at everything he had around his room. “Wait, Ash, you’re the Orange League Champion? Why didn’t we know?”

A sheepish smile and hand rubbing the back of his neck. “I don’t know, I guess it never came up.”

“And you won the Battle Frontier? How come you never talk about any of this?”

A nervous chuckle. “I guess I like to always focus on the future, trying to be a Pokémon master! I don’t have time to think about the past!”

After some more time hanging around his house, constant questions peppering Ash and his mother, they decided to head over to the lab to see Professor Oak and Ash’s Pokémon. A quick jog brought them up there within 10 minutes.

Ash was immediately ambushed by a very affectionate grass Pokémon. At the worried yells from his friends, he assured them he was alright. A herd of Tauros trampling him did not help his case.

“Tauros, hey, hey, it’s good to see you too!”

“Ash, are you okay? How many Pokemon do you have?”

“At least 50 unique, but you just met my 30 Tauros.”

“ _How?”_

After meeting the rest of Ash’s Pokémon and some cookies and lemonade, courtesy of Delia, they were hanging out with Professor Oak at the lab, recounting memories.

“You know, Ash, my boy, you used to be quite the handful for your mother. You were always running off into the forest to play with the wild Pokémon and you’d get hurt or lost constantly. My, you almost gave your mother a heart attack more times than I can count!”

He laughed, hand sheepishly rubbing the back of his neck. “I’ve always been one to get into trouble, I guess.”

Serena eagerly leaned forward. “Professor Oak, did you ever run the Pokémon summer camp after Ash was about 6? That’s actually when I came here and met him!”

He scratched his chin and thought. “You know, I do think we took a break for a couple years after that. And you met him, here? How fascinating!”

“Do you have any pictures? I wanna see little Ash and little Serena!” Bonnie interjected excitedly.

At Ash’s widened eyes and head shaking no, the Professor chuckled. “Oh, I’m sure I do, but perhaps you’d be better off asking Delia.” 

“Race you back to the house!”

“Wait, Bonnie!” A pause. “Ugh, how can I say no to that? Fine, race you!”

With Clemont trailing behind, the four children quickly reached Ash’s house where Delia was gardening. She looked up, surprised. “What can I do for you, kids?”

Before anyone else could respond, Bonnie said “Mrs. Ketchum, please show us old pictures of Ash! We wanna see when he met Serena!”

“Oh, sure thing! I know right where to find some!”

At his whine of “Bonnie, wait—“, Serena asked, “Why don’t you want us to see them, Ash?”

“It’s _embarrassing!”_

_”_ Oh, hush, honey. It’s cute!”

After Delia retrieved some old photos for his friends to look at, Clemont said “If it’ll make you feel any better Ash, when we get back to Kalos I can show you some embarrassing photos of me and Bonnie when we were little.”

He laughed and said “Deal”, flipping open the dusty photobook. His friends eagerly leaned in to see the dated pictures. They spent awhile on each page, cooing at how cute Ash was in one picture, laughing at a silly pose in the next, and so on. Serena excitedly pointed at a picture of a little girl in a sunhat next to Ash when he was about six. “That’s me, Ash! That’s us! That’s when we met each other!”

A laugh. “Oh my gosh! Now that I see you, I remember it so much clearer!” A pause. “Wow, small world, huh?”

Until the next page, where his hand stilled and started to tremble. He tensed up, muscles tight with the anxiety flooding into his mind. The laughter around him died rather quickly once they saw what he was gazing at with such horror and confusion. On the page was a young Ash, like most of the other pictures. Unlike the others, though, there was a rather familiar man clutching Ash tightly, both with large smiles on their faces. His tall, vibrantly red hair was still the same. He looked so much happier, though. And younger. Less world-weary. It did not change the fact that his face was chillingly familiar and struck fear into Ash’s heart, through his soul and down to his very bones.

Memories flooded through his veins like blood, infecting him, running through him, filling him with pain. Images flashed through his mind to the beat of his heart, so loud it was the only thing he could hear. Prism Tower. Beat. Alain. Beat. City. Beat. Destroyed. Trapped. Greninja. Pikachu. Le Choisis. Chosen One. Beat, beat, beat. It was all he could hear.

Clemont could see the man, in the picture, blending into now. Blending into when he saw the man, somehow emerging from the rubble of the stone Zygarde. Terrifyingly titan-like, towering over even the tallest of their team. Red hair shifting in the eerie wind of just-before-sunrise. That _smile._ That evil, evil, smile, that unnerved him down to his very core, struck every logical thought from his mind. And here he was. Clutching a young Ash. Both smiling. But even though this smile was happier, it didn’t change the fact that it sent shivers up Clemont’s spine.

Serena saw him, saw Lysandre. She remembered holding Bonnie. Protect Mairin, protect Bonnie, protect the Pokémon. Protect herself. That was her job, at the end, while the others went to fight. Fight in a gruesome battle, praying that Ash would survive, Clemont would be okay. Trying to shield Mairin and Bonnie. Feeling their tears soaking through her dress and onto her skin. Trying to wipe away her own tears, trying to put on a strong facade. And just when it seemed they had won— he came! Somehow! And the terror that had struck every single one of them. She hadn’t missed how Mairin had gasped, how Ash had tensed up. She hadn’t missed it. And— and!

Bonnie could feel her memory-scabs starting to rip off. Because even though she was working so hard to heal, here was the man. Here was the man that Squishy had fought, that had _taken him away from her!_ And she could feel memories resurfacing, fought them off, couldn’t hold them. Tears running down her face, then, into Serena’s waist. Tears running down her face now, splashing onto the ground. Tears running down her face the night after, waking up from a nightmare she couldn’t, wouldn’t, didn’t want to remember, reaching for Squishy. Finding nothing. No comfort. Remembering. Always crying, now, since then. She used to be proud she didn’t cry as much as other kids her age. That was forever in the past, now.

His trembling knuckles turned as white as his now very pale face. Clemont reached over to Ash, holding him as though not sure if he was supporting or needed support himself. A shaky breath in.

“H-how? _How? Why is Lysandre in this photo?!”_

His voice held such fear, such pain. “Mom?!” He practically screamed.

“Yes, honey? What’s wrong? I’m coming!” Rather concerned footsteps ran up the stairs. Delia took in their tense postures, their fear-stricken faces, pale pallor. She glanced at the picture, then back at Ash. “What’s wrong, Ash? Do you know that man?”

“Why is he in this photo?” An urgent, almost desperate tone in his voice, ignoring her question to ask a seemingly more important one.

‘Why, that’s Lysandre! He used to intern for Professor Oak back when I was just a teenager! We were good friends.”

His eyes widened even more, if it was possible. Serena questioned. “Good friends? What— what happened to him? Where did he go?”

Delia grew even more confused. Why were the children so anxious? “I think he went to Kalos to study to help people! Why?”

No response. 

“Why is he in this picture with me!? Why are we smiling? _When_ did this happen?”

“He… before he went to work in Kalos about 10 years ago, he used to work in labs around Kanto, and every once in a while he would visit me, and Professor Oak, and you. I… you know, Ash, sweetie, you absolutely adored him. I’m surprised you don’t remember this!” She grew visibly more relaxed as she seemed to forget about the situation she was in now and focused more on the past. “You used to call him ‘Lysandy’. Oh, it was just the cutest! I… I have some video, if you want to see it.”

Ash immediately rose to his feet. “Show me.” He said eagerly and solemnly at the same time. 

“Ash, are you sure you want to see this? He— it might bring back something you don’t want to see.”

He tensed, ever so slightly, under Clemont’s concerned touch. “I _need_ to see this. It won’t bring back anything this picture hasn’t already. Show me, Mom.”

Bonnie shrunk back, ever so slightly. She didn’t like this Ash right now. This serious, authoritative boy with not even a slight smile on his face almost scared her. This wasn’t her _real_ adopted big brother. She wanted the real Ash back!

Delia seemed to be put off and just as uneasy at her son’s behavior. “I will, but… Ash, honey, what’s wrong?”

No response, so Serena jumped in. In a shaky voice, she added. “Please, Mrs. Ketchum. We’ll explain later, but this is important _. Please_ let us see this.”

She nodded, and went to the attic, coming back a few minutes later with a dusty box full of VHS tapes, labeled “Age 4 to 7”. She searched through them, coughing when dust was inhaled into her lungs a couple of times. “Here it is!” She pulled out one labeled “Lysandy”.

The four children looked at each other, unsure and uneasy. Delia still had a VHS player, too, and she went back into the attic to grab it while the kids settled in downstairs, in front of the TV.

“Ash, are you sure you’re ready?”

“Ready as I’ll ever be. I _need_ to see this. I can’t— I need to know what he remembered. What he saw. The— the night before the finals.”

_Predatory_ , flashed through Clemont’s mind as he was reminded of that midnight talk under the moonlight when Ash admitted to him what had happened up on Prism Tower. 

“Lysandre, he— came up to me and told me he was excited to watch me battle. He was so _tall—_ and he put his hands on my shoulders—and he was so _predatory._ But now that I remember, there was something _more,_ then. I could see it in his eyes. _Hunger_ , and— I didn’t want to think about it at the time because I didn’t understand. But now I know. He _knew_ me. He was _searching me_ , as though he knew me personally. Not, not from watching me battle in the league. He _remembered_.”

Before anyone could respond, Delia came down the stairs. “Okay everyone, are you ready?”

Four nods. She set it up and put the VHS in, prepped it and got it to the right spot.

“Okay, Ash, are you ready?”

Ash’s eyes widened along with his friends. No. _way!_ That was _him!_

_“_ Yeah! Lysandy, do it, do it!”

His hands clenched into fists in his lap, mouth pulling into a grimace.

“You’re an airplane!”

Childish laughter. A little boy with spiky black hair was lifted into the air by a tall red-haired man, swung around.

“Again, again!”

Laughter, again. A different voice cut in. “Oh, Lysandre, you’re just the best with kids, aren’t you!”

That was Delia.

“Well, especially this cutie. Ash, wanna try out something new?”

Chills ran down and through his body. Disgust filled his veins, all he could feel and see.

“Yes, yes, yes!”

The child was lifted up into the air and tossed up and down. He screamed and laughed. 

The video ended with a click. The screen went black, and Delia took it out after rewinding it.

They all sat in shocked silence. “Ash, honey, what’s this about? How do you know him? How do you all know him? Why do you look like that? What’s wrong?”

There was an unspoken _Please don’t let this be like Shamouti Island._

If only she knew. There was _so much more._ He never told her. She’d gotten mad at him, after she’d gotten kidnapped by Entei and he’d almost died. After that, he never told her anything. And she had never asked.

Serena looked between him and his mom, missing the silent conversation between them yet knowing it had something to do with all the other times Ash had saved the world, had _died._

Ash didn’t really want to say anything because he didn’t know how he could possibly explain this without betraying their unknown agreement. (Unown, he thought with a snicker, because of the last time she’d been involved in one of these situations.) He settled for “We met him in Kalos.”

There was _so much_ left out of that statement. He knew it, she knew it, Clemont, Serena, and Bonnie knew it. But, to everyone’s surprise except Ash’s, she didn’t press. She didn’t ask for any more clarification. They shared a look. She _knew._ She knew that she didn’t want to know anything more. Ash knew, too. The Kalosian children didn’t. They didn’t know.

And so when Delia, after a moment, just said in a forcefully cheerful voice “Okay, sweetie. I guess we live in a small world! I wish I could have spoken to him, I haven’t seen him in about a decade!”, then she left. She left the room, and Ash nodded, and that was that. And Clemont wanted to say _so much,_ and Serena wanted to speak her mind, and even Bonnie wanted to interject, but Ash looked over at them with a look that said _Not now._

_-.-.-.-_

Later, when they were in Ash’s room, and Delia was working in her diner, Clemont stood up suddenly. He looked at Ash, and Ash knew. “Why didn’t your mother ask more? Why did she just take it as face value when you said you met Lysandre in Kalos? Why didn’t you tell her more? Why wasn’t she more concerned? This isn’t _normal,_ and you can’t keep pretending like it is? Do you even tell her _anything?”_

A wince, and they looked over at Ash expectantly. “My mom and I, we kind of have this thing. We never really agreed, but we kind of agreed. That— you see, a couple years ago, she got kidnapped by Entei and—“

“ _Entei? As in the legendary Entei?”_

_“_ I— yeah, shouldn’t you expect this from me by now? Anyway, I went to rescue her even though everyone said it was too dangerous. And I—“

He looked over at Serena. “I almost died, like usual. And my mom was _so mad,_ even though I saved her, and she yelled at me and wouldn’t talk for a while. I knew that she was worried, but she also knew about”, he looked at Serena again, “Shamouti Island. She _knew_ I didn’t really have a choice, and I wasn’t going to listen, I was going to keep saving people and throwing myself into danger, because that’s who I am. So we sort of agreed that— that she doesn’t need to know. She doesn’t want to know. So I don’t have to tell her. So I can keep doing my thing, and she can keep doing hers, pretending I’m not getting myself into danger literally every single week, and she doesn’t have to get mad at me. So that’s why she didn’t ask. That’s why I didn’t tell.”

Clemont and Serena were clearly disturbed. They didn’t approve, Ash could tell, because how could they? He knew it was fucked up. But he didn’t know how to fix it, didn’t want to fix it. It was easier not to. He was fine like this. He was _fine._

“Look, you guys, I know it’s messed up. But it’s not really something I can fix right now. Please leave it be.”

Bonnie, who’d been oddly quiet this entire time, was starting to relax a little more. This was more like the Ash she knew, even if he looked tired and sad. He wasn’t _angry_ anymore. “Let him have his scabs,” she almost whispered.

Ash glanced over to her with a small smile and a nod. _Thanks for being in my corner,_ he seemed to say. He reached over and gave her a hug. 

“What does she mean, scabs?”

“She means that I need to focus on healing from the memories right now, not try to examine a whole other issue with Lysandre and my mom and our relationship. One thing at a time. We all have our skeletons in a closet, and mine seem to all have fallen out. I really can’t deal with that right now. Please just support me, and I’ll support you. You guys mean everything to me. I wanna keep going with you.”

Clemont nodded urgently. _Of course!_ his mind screamed. “Ash, we all care about you a whole lot. I’m so _sorry_ everything happened to you and I want to do everything I can to help!” He came over to Ash and Bonnie and nudged him in the shoulder fondly.

Serena stood up. “Of course, Ash! I’m sorry! I didn’t realize that I was pushing you so much by pushing this! I know that, that so much happened. I know that it’s yours. Your, your, —scabs, Bonnie called them. I care about you too much to hurt you. Je t’aime! Nous t’aimons!"

She came over to Ash and joined in on the semi-group hug they had going. This was their little family, together through thick and thin. It was not perfect, and they were all going to take a while to heal from what happened. But they would heal together. That was easier, that was better. Ash felt a lot stronger facing the giant monster in his mind that Lysandre and Zygarde and Lugia and Entei and Moltres and Giratina and so many more had morphed into now that he wasn’t alone. Just by knowing, feeling his friends at his back, right behind him, supporting him, it seemed to shrink. He could do this.

“Je sais que vous aussi, vous avez été tellement blessés. Je vous soutiendrai donc tout comme tu me soutenez. Je tiens beaucoup à vous tous aussi. Merci. _Merci_. Je ne me suis jamais vraiment senti aussi compris, même par des gens qui ne comprennent pas tout à fait. vous _essayez._ Alors, merci beaucoup.”

**Author's Note:**

> translation: “I know that you guys have been hurt so much by this too. So I will support you just as you’re supporting me. I care about all of you so much, too. Thank you. Thank you. I’ve never really felt so understood, even by people who don’t fully understand. You’re trying. So, thank you so much.”


End file.
